Boobs

V/H/S 2 – The sequel we deserved, but not the one we wanted

If you’ve read our shit, you’d know we loved V/H/S.

So that being said, lets get into the sequel.

TITS. Just like its predecessor, we open with a fantastic rack. SO THERES THAT GENTS.

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SYNOPSIS

Following the recipe of the original, VHS 2 consists of a series of ‘shorts’ (not the level of ABCS of Death but short enough) and it opens with some PI blackmailing a dude. Tits and dick.

Next we see same crimebusting couple break into a house. A very familiar house.

AND THEN SHIT GOES DOWN OFF CAMERA OH MY JEBAZ SURPRISE FACE

Then we get a dude with a cybernetic eye that can see dead people. Its a BIT novel, as we get FOV, but we had that before in… guess what? ¬†You may remember similar scenes from the previous movie. Anywho, pretty tits shows up and shit gets weird.

OH HEY PRETTY TITS TELL ME A STORY

OH HEY PRETTY TITS TELL ME A STORY

So that sequence doesn’t end so well. Cut back to the next sequence of them viewing shit they can’t explain. CUE ACTING.

AND then zombies. Deserves no more than it gets. Zombies.

After the expected zombie sequence end, we’re on to more supposedly interesting content.

This one involves the asian persuasion. The inimitable director of The Raid gave us this amazing sequence. Its eerie, its creepy, its…well, its this

THESE ARE NOT THE DROIDS YOU ARE LOOKING FOR

THESE ARE NOT THE DROIDS YOU ARE LOOKING FOR

The rest of the movie is pretty worthless. Finish it, for what you’re worth.

CONCLUSION OF SYNOPSIS

QUOTATIONS OF GLORY

Bacchus: Ima get so racist I hang a black cat!

Romulus: Yeah well ima reverse racism this motherfucker and hang a white guy.

Bacchus: There’s plenty of us. I support this endeavor.

—–

Romulus: YOU KNOW, sometimes, you see a bitch with great tits and ur all ‘MMM BET U GOT A GREAT ASS’ and then they’re all pancake-assted.

Bacchus: Pancake-assted?

Romulus: Pancake-assted, you know, them pancakes as thin as the table you’re eating on. Pancake-ass.

—–

Bacchus: I’m sorry a bitch pukes blood i’m the fuck out. Big man on campus with a big fucking stick. Ugh, man, you know what? Its zombies. No way you’re going to top whats already been done.

Romulus: EXCEPT WITH A FUCKING TURNING FORK

Bacchus: At least in VHS 1 the chick brought the dude into some strange supernatural murderfuck. What is this?

Romulus: Standard.

—–

Romulus: I think you’ve brought this up. WHY DOES NO ONE RECOGNIZE A ZOMBIE? You’re an idiot, and you should die.

Bacchus: This is where the willful suspension of disbelief fails so completely. EVERYONE KNOWS ZOMBIES.

YEA BUT CAN WE GET A BLOODSICLE WHEN WE'RE DONE

YEA BUT CAN WE GET A BLOODSICLE WHEN WE’RE DONE

—–

Bacchus: And the little bit of humanity fights through, huh?

Romulus: And thats what kills him.

Bacchus: Best. Use. Of a GoPro. Ever.

—–

Bacchus: And yeah, ima just bleed til you solve this equation.

—–

A good movie.

Probably.

Waste more than a few dollars and I will be PISSED.

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