High Tension, or Happy Go Fucky

This one is intense.

This is not your standard, run of the mill horror. Its the best combination of horror/thriller we’ve seen in a long fucking time. Leave it to the french, though, after Martyrs its not too surprising.

1. Theres tits

2. The action is amazing, and you cannot anticipate what happens. So fucking watch it.



2 girls (college friends) walk into some fucked up ring of hell. What they intended to be a quiet retreat where they could study on a family farm in relative peace (SURPRISE SURPRISE) goes horribly horribly wrong.

Said ring of hell revolves around one immense psychopath, and his penchant for young women. While not revolutionary, his perversions take an interesting turn when one woman proves to be more than he expected.



Bacchus: Well….that really clarifies ‘getting head’

Vifen: Oh…oh god…

Quiet head is good head

At least she swallowed


Bacchus: If there’s one fucking place I’m never stopping its a goddamn cornfield

Vifen: Yeah I’m just waiting for the children to pop out

Romulus: Fucking lot of shit could happen in a corn field – monsters, aliens, rapists, republicans

Vifen: – a velociraptor


Bacchus: I totally blame horror movies for the fact I will never be able to live on a farm in peace

Romulus: Hey all you gotta worry about is the odd random murderer

Vifen: Or velociraptor


Bacchus: OH HEY TITS!


Vifen:….I dunno, they’re a bit too east/west for me



Vifen: Oh hey, is she going to play DJ?

Bacchus: …I’m sorry what?

Vifen: You know, scratchin the needle…?

Romulus: Flicking the bean!


Bacchus: Oh, the kid…oh no, the kid….


Bacchus: See?! THIS is why I’ve always said fuck the french.

Romulus: Fuckin freedom fries. ‘MURICA


Bacchus: Whats more effective than a club? A club wrapped in barbed wire

Vifen: Just reminds me of Splash Mountain

Bacchus: What, because of the briar patch?




Romulus: You missed the shot

Bacchus: What shot?

Romulus: WATCH.


Vifen is now throwing up.


We are fucking speechless.

Watch. This. Movie. Now.


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