If you're already drunk

Grezzo 2

Released in 2012 (modded from Doom from 1993)

Created by: some sick Italian fuck named Nicola Piro.

Download link: http://grezzo-2.en.uptodown.com

Size: 856 Mb

Genre: First Person Shooter

Greetings, my fellow video game masochists! It almost pains me to review this game. Almost. It is time that I reviewed what is quite possibly the most beastly, offensive, angry, disgusting, gratuitous, racist, blasphemous, inappropriate, and anarchist video game OF ALL TIME AND SPACE AND STUFF. I am not kidding.  Below is the first boss.  Yes, that is Jesus.

But it’s realistic because you have to kill him twice, and that’s historically accurate.

This game is shrouded in mystery, my friends. PC gamers (my eternal brethren) love to modify their games with their nerd powers – basically hacking into the game and modifying it in a variety of awesome ways. This is a mod of the original Doom from 1993, along with mods from other iconic 90s First Person Shooter games, including Blood, Shadow Warrior, Duke Nukem 3D, Redneck Rampage, Hexen, Heretic and Rise of the Triad.

You’re constantly just quietly saying “…what??” to the screen as you play this game, followed by, shamefully, many giggles.
However, the game constantly shouts terrible things back at you in Italian, for example “Non ho mai visto la sborrata di un prete!!”, which translates to the very cute “I’ve never seen a priest’s cumshot” in English. Adorbz!

You fight a variety of outrageous enemies, like the elderly, Justin Bieber, cops, juggalos that just waddle after you and piss on you, school kids, Fat Albert dressed as a Nazi (wtf), Barney (who attacks you by throwing explosive children at you), monks, the Energizer Bunny, white basketball players in blackface (dear god), hookers, and basically anyone associated with Catholicism.

Mario even makes an appearance, apparently he only has one life though.

There is no premise. There is no point to this game. It’s Italian, and all the speech and texts and audio are in Italian. Except for Mario, who just repeats “ready, GO!” eternally until you blow his star powered face off. There are two main modes of play, the first mode is called Impara A Gioca, and it’s the tutorial on how to play. But even this is some sort of cruel joke because the “tutorial” is just you running around a school, guns blazing.

La Storia is the story mode. Care to know the story? This is a real hoot: you’re a man, a very bad man, and you start in a church, you have to kill everything in the church (old ladies in walkers, old men with canes, monks, little kids, etc), then Jesus himself (twice, of course). After this, apparently you pay for your sins because you have a heart attack and die, only to wake up next to a giant pile of shit on Christmas Day in purgatory (literally). You fight to the top of a mountain, where God is super pissed off at you for obvious reasons, and condemns you to hell. The rest of the game is literally just revolving around murdering everything ever on each level to advance. THE END! HOORAY! YOU WIN!

Why am I doing this with my free time…cigarettes will kill you!

Why am I doing this with my free time…cigarettes will kill you!

Come at me, bro!  Do you even worship, bro?!

Come at me, bro! Do you even worship, bro?!

The weapons in this game are absolutely insane. Apart from the standard shotguns, pistols, rocket launchers and the like, you can wield deadly dilldos, jack off and sling slaughterous super sperm, you can tear your own hand off and throw it like a gooey giblet grenade, you can sing into a murderous microphone which causes everyones heads to pop, you can smoke from a beastly bong to make the visuals even more surreal, you can use a rocket launcher that for some reason shoots the decapitated head of Pope Benedict XVI. Finally you can inject yourself with heroin, for simply no reason. Just because it’s fun!

Fisting evolved.

Fisting evolved.

Things just repeatedly happen in this game that make ZERO sense. I thought I was a hardened video game player, but this game almost shattered my dark little mind in a bloody mess. The strangest aspect of the game is that it is incredibly fun to play because it was made using the bullet proof Doom engine, it’s smooth as all hell (no pun intended), fast paced, exciting, relentlessly gory, and just so absurd that you find yourself giggling the entire time. But does this make me a bad man? Does this make me a horrible human being to laugh?!

Yes, yes it does. *hard giggles/penis*

Yes, yes it does *hard giggle/penis*

Grezzo 2 makes the Postal, Manhunt, and GTA series COMBINED seem like a Nickelodeon show. Yet, perhaps there IS a point to this game. Perhaps there IS some social commentary to this depraved blood-soaked madness. Maybe the creator of this mod is showing that violence in video games are extremely selective. Gamers remember the outrage back when Wolfenstein 3D came out and you had to kill the vicious German Shepherds that attacked you, basically saying it was ok to kill humans (albeit Nazi scum), but it was wrong to kill dogs. Perhaps Nicola Piro is showing that it shouldn’t be permissible to show only demons and what society deems as “evil” getting slaughtered, that perhaps it should be socially acceptable to show angels and deities being grenaded by your own hand, quite literally, as well?

Oh, what the hell am I saying.  This game is fucking sick.

Oh, what the hell am I saying. This game is fucking sick.

THE FINAL VERDICT ON GREZZO 2:

+ Smooth, quick, seamless gameplay
+ A truly original mod of the classic Doom engine
+ As violent as games can possibly get
+ Horrendously comical throughout
+ There HAS to be something deeper involved with the commentary of this game
– Incredibly inappropriate the entire duration of the game
– This game will make you slightly psychotic
And once again, there you have it, fellow masochists. You simply cannot get any more offensive and brutal than this game. It’s also a free download. If you’re into this sort of depravity, I’d download it quick before this game will be most certainly banned forever and ever, only to be relived when we all go to hell.

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