Classic horror








Yeah, Jasonheads, FRIDAY,–that’s what I’m talking about. With the fifth film in the franchise, the producers got another creative bug up their butts & made the decision to not have the real Jason appear in the movie, since young Tommy Jarvis had chopped him to dog meat at the end of (4) THE FINAL CHAPTER.

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Corey Feldman was to play Tommy again, but he was in the middle of filming a classic, THE GOONIES (1985), so on his day off, they shot his prologue scenes in his own backyard in CA.

Not using the “real” Jason was another bullshit hair-brained scheme on the part of the producers, who seemed to learn nothing from similar fuck-ups with the producers of the NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET & HALLOWEEN series, when they tried to move away from Freddy Kruger, or Michael Myers.


The movie was directed by Danny Steinmann, who started his career in porno films, & had a reputation for loving T&A and Gore in his films; my kind of guy actually. He was asked/mandated to produce a shock, scare, or kill every eight minutes, & no one had to cajole him into loading this film with terrific tit-shots–so much so that, god damn the Motion Picture Association of America, a fucking clone of the old Hays  Commission who robbed us of tit-shots & vulgarity for 30 years, it was demanded that 16 scenes featuring sex, or graphic violence had to be edited in order not to receive the dreaded “X” rating; requiring nine trips of more fucking snipping before it was granted the coveted “R” rating.


Danny Steinmann, a writer/director only filmed four movies between 1973-1985, & this was his last one. This movie was his most successful, & on paper he was lined up to direct 5 other films later on, but every damn one of them fell through; talk about shit house luck–it would be interesting to know “the rest of the story”. He turned to creating his own production company & created successful commercials. But this movie was his feature film swan song. His other films included  HIGH RISE (1973) basically a porn movie, THE UNSEEN (1980), SAVAGE STREETS (1984) with max T&A. 


The musical score was written, for the fifth time in a row, by Harry Manfredini.


The development of the script required five writers, with three of them, Danny Steinmann, David Cohen,  Marting Kitrosser, credited with the screenplay. It is never a good sign of cohesion when so many cooks fuck with pie.


The cinematography was done by Stephen L. Posey, who lensed 24 films since 1976, a lot of it being television series work.


His films included BLOODY BIRTHDAY (1981), PENITENTIARY II (1982), THE SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE (1982), SAVAGE STREETS (1984), HELLHOLE (1985), 20 episodes of TOUR OF DUTY (1987-89), & he directed 19 films.


Taglines:  If Jason still haunts you, you are not alone.

                Suddenly terror has become child’s play.

                A new beginning to the first step in terror.

                The mindless murderous fury that was buried with Jason

                 has been reborn. 


The movie ran 92 minutes. It had 18 incidents of violence & gore, had 45+ uses of the Fuck word. It was filmed in Camarillo, CA. It had a  budget of 2.2 million dollars, & it grossed 22.9 million dollars domestically. The body count was 22–3 from the dream sequence, 1 killed by Vic, 1 killed by Tommy, & 17 killed by Roy Burns.

Reading CRYSTAL LAKE MEMORIES: THE COMPLETE HISTORY OF FRIDAY THE 13TH, we find that behind the scenes, even on the set, the production was plagued with hardcore drug use. The almost 30 million dollars the movie made cast it as the “poorest performing film in the series at that time”. In later years though, it has picked up a cult following for its audacious nudity & 22 kills.


Tom Morga did all the Jason stunts/scenes. He is a 6’2” stuntman/actor, who in his career has appeared as Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, & Leatherface. Dick Wieand is an actor, who is credited as Roy Burns.

tom morga

Morga has 110 film credits since 1976, including STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE (1979), plus STAR TREK II & III, THE SWORD & THE SORCERER (1982), THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE II (1986), HALLOWEEN 4 (1988), & ARMY OF DARKNESS (1992). 



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Well, breast lovers out there, we hit the cinema jackpot with this one.

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Our lead-off babe is the stunning Debi Sue Voorhees (no shit,

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that is her real name) as Tina.

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Her fabulous rack was featured several galleries ago as Tits2Come.

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Next up we have Juliette Cummins, who played Robin.


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Tiffany Helm played our Goth girl, Violet.

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Melanie Kinnaman played our protagonist,

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Pam Roberts.

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Rebecca Ward played Miss Lana.

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Alright, it is yet another fucking stormy rainy night, & we dolly behind a pair of youngsters legs & high rubber boots through the woods; lots of thunder crackling & lightning flashing & shit. He seems to know here he is going, or maybe not, because he stumbles into a cemetery, & there is a fresh grave there, with a hand-painted wooden tombstone for Jason Voorhees.

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We see the kid’s face; it’s the young Tommy Jarvis (Corey Feldman). He is standing in his little yellow slicker sort of in shock.


Then he hears somebody coming, so he retreats into the bushes. Two redneck idiotic grave robber vandals show up with shovels, talking some shit about digging up Jason just for kicks. We watch them shoveling dirt, then popping the lid off a hundred dollar wooden coffin.

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Jason is in his coveralls, wearing his hockey mask. It seems that they buried him with his machete. He comes to life, sits up, & stabs the younger of the two yahoos.

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Then he stabs the older guy with a hunting knife that he just seemed to have on his dead ass as well.

Young Tommy is pole-axed with fear (Feldman got off easy, with no lines of dialogue in the scene).

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Jason gets up out of his grave, removes the bloody machete from the chest of the grave-robbing punk in the redneck hat, then sees Tommy & immediately heads toward him. Tommy  just flops over on his back, screaming silently, as Jason lifts the machete for the kill.

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Cut to a young adult Tommy, awakening out of the nightmare, in the back of a mental health delivery sedan. On of the attendants, Billy, is a slick haired, Snidely-Whiplashed mustached type, with a weasel-face, that likes to say fuck a lot, & talk about pussy.

Cut to the vehicle entering the gate of the Pinehurst Halfway House, a mental health medical center dude ranch/farm in the middle of the bum-fuck forest.

We see a muscle-bound dude driving a tractor, & several young boys & girls. Somebody mumbles, “That must be the new kid.”

Billy, the weasel-faced attendant, demands that Tommy get out of the van, but Tommy acts catatonic, & does not respond. Out of the main house strides our protagonist, Pam Roberts, a big tit blonde, who introduces herself as the Asst. Director of the place. She licks her lips, twizzles her tits a bit, & cajoles Tommy to follow her inside. Billy flips his tongue in mock  cunnilyngus movements, & we are to believe that Pam is one hot box bitch; only trouble is Melanie Kinnaman who plays her is 33 & looks 40, her dry as straw bleached blond hair looking like a three dollar wig, with thick blue eye shadow on–bitch was still stuck in the 60’s.

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Cut to inside the “Home”, where we meet the Director, Dr. Mark Letter, who dressed like a hip veterinarian. They explain to Tommy that this is a center run on the honor system; no guards, prepping them for their re-entry back into society. The wild confused look in his eyes seem to be a hint to us that the Center philosophy didn’t mean shit to him, & the last fucking thing he really wanted to do was re-enter society.

Cut to Pam taking Tommy upstairs to his room. He is unpacking his stuff, when Reggie a 12 year old black kid invites himself in. He tells Tommy that his grandfather, George, is the cook for the dude ranch.


Tommy unpacks some of the horror masks that he has made, & tells Reggie to never touch them.

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After Reggie splits, Tommy is staring out the window & he imagines that he sees Jason standing outside.

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Later, Tommy is standing my his vanity mirror, & he imagines Jason is standing behind him holding the bloody axe.

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Cut to the lunch table later.

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We meet the lovers, Eddie & Tina (she of the gorgeous rack of tits), a perky redhead, Robin, the shy & stuttering Jake, a spooky Goth chick, Violet, temperamental muscle-bound Vic, & a fat kid who carries plenty of pocket Twinkies, Joey.

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Cut to Vic chopping some wood. Joey comes up to him & gives him a ration of crap about something, & Vic just snaps, & buries the axe in Joey’s face. We hear the blows, but do not see them. He literally chops Joey into fucking dog meat; but the gore is implied only.

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Joey falls to the ground & we see his bloody face, but it is painfully obvious what we are in store for here. This is the first kill, & what isn’t done off camera is a jump-cut edit/fade. God damn it, here we go again.

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The cops & paramedics are called. Vic is, of course, arrested. Duke, a paramedic jokes about the how the fat kid is all chopped up, which pisses off Roy, the other paramedic, who seems really bothered by it.

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Then things get fucked up & ridiculous as a motorcycle rolls up with Junior driving & his skanky mother, Ethel on the back of the bike. Junior wears a WWI pilot’s helmet, & is obviously “disturbed”.


Ethel is about 5’ tall, wearing a curly mop fright wig, & cusses like a truck driver as she tells the cops & the kids that they had by God better stay the fuck off their neighboring property, or she will put a load of buckshot in their butts.

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(WTF kind of plot mechanism could these dim-witted redneck weirdos serve? Comedy relief I guess.)

Cut to later that night, two punks in a car break down on a lonely road. Vinnie & Pete are dressed in motorcycle leather jackets, & they are both audacious & jocular. Pete goes off to take a piss while Vinnie works on the engine. Someone sneaks up behind him & cuts his throat. Pete comes back, gets into the car to try & start it, as Someone pulls his head back by the long greasy duck tail & cuts his throat.

Cut to later that night, as a local diner is closing. A Dodge Charger screams into the parking lot, does a couple of rubber burning spin-arounds, then the driver honks his horn; it is Billy, the wise-ass attendant. A blond waitress, Lana, steps out of the door, tells Billy to cool his jets while she finishes closing up the diner, & changing clothes; they have a hot date it seems.

Cut to Billy snorting a couple of rows of coke, singing My dick is going to be so happy soon. 

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Cut to Lana, in the ladies room, saying It’s party time as she stands in front of the mirror, unbuttons her waitress uniform, & flops out a sweet pair of large tits; I guess she doesn’t like bras; thank God for that.

Cut back to Billy, getting high, horny, & impatient, yelling at Lana to hurry the fuck up & honking the horn. Someone behind him plants an axe in the back of his head; a jump/cut fade, a one second glimpse; damn the black souls of the fucking MPAA, & their forced editing rules. ,

Cut back to Lana, wasting our time as she primps in the mirror, wearing her new outfit, telling herself how damn hot she is. She heads out of the diner, & tells Billy that he should be grateful for her, she is worth it. Billy doesn’t say shit, lying face down over the steering wheel with an axe wound in the back of his head. She suddenly realizes what happened to him, spins around screaming & takes an axe right between her tits; jump cut fade, quick shot of her on the ground with the axe sticking out of her chest.

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Cut to the next day, as the redneck Dorks, Ethel & Junior talk at the dining table. He is eating some kind of hillbilly swill stew. A stranger comes to the door, saying he will do some work in exchange for a meal. Ethel puts him to work shoveling chicken shit. We are supposed to wonder if this guy, Ray, is the copy-cat Jason killer.

Cut to Tina hanging out the washing (I guess the Center did not have an electric dryer). Eddie sneaks up behind her & scares her. He laughs it off, reaching down into her low cut blouse to play with her big tits.

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She slaps his hand, but he convinces her that they need to head out into the woods for a wild fuck, taking her by the hand & pulling her into the bushes as she giggled & jostled her jugs.

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Cut to a meadow, where she puts down a blanket, strips off her blouse, & begins to make out with Eddie, who takes his shirt off.

POV shot of Someone in the trees watching them; it turns out to be the farmhand, Ray.


The next shot is the clinch with Eddie on top, apparently finished with his famous rabbit fuck; they are both naked; but the truth is the sex scene was a lot more explicit & righteous before several editing snippings were done to please the MPAA.

He announces he needs to go down to the pond to wash his dick. He pulls his pants on & takes off. Then we get the pleasure of seeing a few gorgeous minutes of Debi Sue Voorhees’ incredible DD tits, ending with a on-her-back shot, closing her eyes to rest.


Cut to peek-a-boo Raymond being stabbed in the stomach with a machete.

Friday the 13th A New Beginning 15

Then Tina hears something, opens her eyes, & starts screaming;

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but fuck me,  we hear some slicing sounds, see a pair of hands working the handles of a pair of large pruning sheers, & then cut away; stylistic horse shit.

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Cut to Eddie, shirtless, skipping rocks on the pond, whistling some kind of clean wet dick ballad, as he skips back to Tina, who is lying on her side, bare butt & back toward him;

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Did you fucking fall asleep, he asks as he turns her over & sees the two blood holes where her eyes had been.



Screaming like a eunuch, he backs away until he bumps into a tree. Suddenly Someone wraps a strap around his forehead, & pulls him back hard (WTF, his hands are free, why doesn’t he squirm out of this?). We see Someone’s hands twisting on a wire tighter on the back of the tree.

Cut back to the Center House. Reggie wants a ride to go visit with his brother, Demon who is living in a trailer park near by. Pam decides to drive him over there in the pick-up & takes Tommy along for the company.

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When they get to the trailer park, all we see is an old Chev camping van parked next to a ramshackle outdoor crapper. Reggie, is all excited & shit to see his deadbeat older brother. Demon is all Jerri-curled to the max, wearing tons of bling & leather, looking like Prince & sounding like Richard Pryor. Reggie hops into the van, where he meets the girlfriend, Anita, a big butt black chick with a pretty face.


Cut to outside, where Pam is trying to get Tommy to talk about shit, when Junior shows up on his motorcycle. He jumps off it & begins threatening Tommy, slobbering like a simpleton.

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He attacks Tommy, who retaliates by beating the tub-of-lard redneck down, & was getting busy pummeling him when bleached blond over-the-hill Pam screams for him to stop; which he does, but he is so freaked out that he runs off.


Pam informs Reggie that they have to get back to the Crazy Farm, so they head back. Demon gets an attack of the enchilada trots, & heads to the out door crapper. While inside, enjoying the oder of his own feces, the place starts to rock.

Cut to Anita outside, rocking the outhouse. He is not amused, but she thinks it is funny as hell. Then the shed starts rocking again. He jumps up, & Jesus, pulls up his leather pants without wiping his ass, & yelling at Anita, he tries to open the door; but it is jammed; stuck on something. He peeks out & sees Anita lying on the ground with her throat cut.

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He retreats back into the crapper whimpering, & sits on the wooden toilet holes.  We see the machete blade piercing the sheet metal & just missing him several times; freaked out he leans up real nice on the wall, & Someone stabs him with the machete.

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(Screw me with a blunt instrument, this is like the 6th or 7th kill & all we see is POV shots of Someone’s hands & aftermath wounds).

Cut to the redneck Hubbard house. Ethel is making some more stew, cussing out the world. Junior rides up on his motorcycle, screaming He hurt me, Mama, real bad!



Riding in circles, screaming insanely, until Whap, Someone decapitates him with a machete. Ethel comes out to investigate, & she gets to play kissy-face with a meat cleaver.

Cut to the Center House. Jake & Robin are watching TV, & Violet is upstairs listening to Tech Rock, teaching herself some robotic moves. Reggie falls asleep on the couch. Pam covers him up, & she heads back outside to search for Matt & George, who she was told were out looking for the missing Tina & Eddie.

Cut to Pam driving the pick-up very slowly, until it sputters & dies, so, of course she must hike back to the house.

Cut back to the house. While Reggie sleeps, Jake tells Robin that he would really like to pork her. She gives him that Christ, loser, you have to be kidding look & heads upstairs to get ready for bed. Jake mopes around with his lower lips stuck out until Someone appears & chops him in the face with a meat cleaver (Again, where in hell does the killer find all those fucking double-bladed axes, & stray meat cleavers?)

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Cut to Robin in the bathroom, taking off her robe & giving us some fine small perky tit-shots, wearing just her white panties, she struts around for a few delicious minutes.



Then she crawls up in the upper bunk (no clue who uses the lower bunk, maybe Tina).

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We get some perky hard nipple shots until she turns over & finds Jake in bed with her, all bloody, chopped up, dead & shit.

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Then Someone grabs her, turns her over & fade out as we hear stabbing sounds.

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Cut to Violet in her room listening to her records, doing the robot, in a scene that goes on much too long before Someone grabs her, chokes the shit out of her & stabs her in the stomach.

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Cut to Reggie waking up on the couch, with no one around. Yawning, he heads upstairs, stopping at Tommy’s room. He knocks, then opens the door. He finds three bodies draped in blood, lying in a heap on Tommy’s bed.

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He screams like a Catholic alter boy the first time a priest butt-fucked him. Pam shows up at that moment, & she joins the screaming choir.


They run downstairs just in time to see a window crash in, & a dead body is tossed into the room; it is Grandpa George, with his throat cut.

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Jason, or someone in coveralls, wearing a hockey mask, carrying a bloody machete who certainly fucking looks like Jason, appears.

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Cut to Pam & Reggie fleeing the house, & running screaming into the woods; while there, a terrible rainstorm begins, of course, lots of thunder & lightning; how novel & original, right? They come upon an aide car, sitting with its lights on.

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Investigating, they find Duke, the other paramedic, dead with his throat cut.

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Pam trips & falls down, like all bitches in horror movies do, & Reggie runs off; they are now separated.

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Pam is soaked by the rain, & we see that she is bra-less under her white blouse, & we are treated to some middle-aged wet tit nipping out; & it’s not bad.

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She finds Matt with a spike in his head, nailed dead to a tree.

Cut to the barn at the Center (barns are special places for murder, rape, strangling & stabbing in Jason’s movies & they always have a lot of fresh hay bales in them even though there never are any fucking cows, horses, or goats around).

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Pam arrives & finds Reggie; they climb up into the hay loft. Jason shows up quickly, & looks around.

He zeros in on the loft ladder, & immediately climbs it. He finds Pam, but doesn’t seem to see Reggie hiding there. Pam finds an old axe handle, & she begins smacking Jason in the head with it.

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They fight back down the ladder, & out into the rain storm. He beats her down, raises the machete, just as the barn wall splinters & Reggie drives out with the tractor, ramming Jason, knocking him ass over tea kettle.



Somehow, Jason snaps out of it, & begins to get up. Pam & Reggie run back into the fucking barn. When Jason gets back in there, Pam & Reggie are hiding. Jason hears a noise in a tool cabinet, & he opens the door to investigate. Pam rushes out of the shed with a chainsaw roaring, though we did not hear her start the thing.


They have a nice tussle, with her holding her own against the now puny machete; but, of course, she runs out of gas.



She did manage to injure Jason in the left shoulder, but once more he rises up menacingly. Pam heads back up to the fucking hayloft, where she know Reggie is hiding (again).

Suddenly Tommy appears just as Jason makes it to the hayloft ladder. Jason turns & attacks Tommy, who just stands there like he is still in a daze. Jason slashes the kid in the chest, & Tommy goes down. Jason looms over him. Tommy pulls out his large pocket knife, & stabs Jason in the crotch, which puts him down.

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(We, of course, know that serial killers have tiny dicks & balls like raisinettes, so we also know that Jason will survive). Tommy climbs up into the loft, & promptly passes out.

Jason joins the happy little group (again) in the hayloft. Tommy is passed out. Reggie scurries behind hay bales. Pam tussles with him. Jason bitch slaps her to her scabby knees, & while raising his blade, young Reggie screaming in rage, rushes him, pushing him off his feet, dropping the machete, & tumbling out the hayloft opening. As he went out we saw a wheat thresher with its spikes all up below.

Pam & Reggie are so relieved that they are hugging it out just as Jason, somehow reappears, hanging on a cross bar, & grabs Reggie’s foot, dragging him screaming toward the opening.



But just then Tommy comes back to consciousness, picks up the machete, & slices Jason’s hand open with it. Jason is hurting, as he pitches over backward, falling to the spikes below, impaling him on about ten of them.

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The mask flies off, landing on the ground.

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The prosthetic face has split open & we see that Jason is not, was not Jason, but the other paramedic, Roy Burns.

Cut to the obligatory hospital scene (joining the barn, storm, dying cars, lake or pond, stumbling bitches, phones going dead, lights going out, teens having sex obligatory scenes). Pam is sitting with Reggie, who is wrapped up in a Red Cross blanket. The Sheriff comes in & explains that Joey, the fat kid who was killed by Vic, was actually Roy’s son. His death drove Roy insane, it seems, making him want to pretend to be Jason & butcher a bunch of people, some of which might have been guilty of neglecting or abusing his boy.

Pam walks down the hall to Tommy’s room. He is sleeping. The attending nurse leaves her alone with him. Suddenly he awakens & attacks her with a butcher knife.

Cut to Tommy awakening from a nightmare. He gets out of bed & opens a dresser drawer. Alongside his personal belongings, there is the hockey mask that Roy had used. He, of course, picks up the mask & stares at it, feeling its hypnotic power.


Cut to Pam walking down the hall to Tommy’s room. She enters & finds his bed empty, the window smashed out, & raging storm going on outside. Then the door shuts & we see Tommy wearing the fucking hockey mask, holding a butcher knife.

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Cue the theme music, roll the end credits.


ROTTEN TOMATOES rated the film at 17% Critic’s Approval, with 83% negative reviews, and 27% Audience Approval.

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Jeffrey M. Anderson of COMBUSTIBLE CELLULOID wrote: “This one just annoyed me.”


Jeremy Kipp of SLANT MAGAZINE wrote: “The tone was crude, raunchy, & leering, with kill scenes combined with a lot more nudity than usual.” For Christ’s sake, Jeremy, what more could you ask of a good slasher film?

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Tim Brayton of ANTAGONY & ECSTACY wrote: “This is definitely not a fun stupid movie–this is a stupid movie that makes me want to claw my skin off.”

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Ed Gonzalez of SLANT MAGAZINE wrote: “This one is the spiciest entry in the series so far, boasting the most T&A, an incredible double homicide, a witty reference to A PLACE IN THE SUN, & yokels playing with & chopping chickens.”


Fred Topel of ABOUT.COM wrote: “the worst Jason story, but the best nudity of the whole series.”

James Kendrick of Q NETWORK FILM DESK wrote: “It is too cumbersome for its own good, with moments of black humor that really don’t work, & a painful lack of imagination.”

Friday the 13th Part 5 Japanese poster



I don’t know what the hell it is with film critics; perhaps they just take themselves too seriously. Debi Sue Voorhees’ tits were enough to put many of us over the moon on this one.


Damn, her original sex scene was shot longer & a lot more graphic by director Steinmann, but the producers told editor Bruce Green to trim it up, & make it “look like a Pepsi commercial”. Christ, does that mean that somewhere out there is a Pepsi commercial done topless?

John Shepherd, playing Tommy, wore cowboy boots in order to appear a bit taller. He, also, researched the role by working for a time at a state mental hospital. Not counting the laughing/yelling, the Tommy Jarvis character only has 24 words to say in the whole movie. What he didn’t do was get himself an acting coach; for he & Melanie Kinnaman needed acting lessons in the worst way.

Friday the 13th A New Beginning poster by Beyond Horror Design

A little sidebar, the scene where Pam attacks Jason with a chainsaw was shot on Halloween night in 1984. As done before, the shooting script was titled REPETITION, after the David Bowie song, honoring the Bowie fake titles of the past.

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The musical score actually seemed more lively & appropriate for this sequel, less canned & rehashed. The cinematography was TV adequate, with no real inspired surprise shots, better than pedestrian, but only a little better.  The damn writing was shallow, lame, inconsistent, & illogical & the Hubbard hillbillies, Ethel & Junior, were like watching an R-rated Gomer Pyle episode.

What saved my sanity while suffering through this clunker, was the nudity, tits galore can salve many sins & inadequacies. I would have rated the film with 3.5 stars without the skin scenes; even though the sanitized gore scenes were mostly the blame of the fucking censors, not the director, or writers, still, we  watch a fucking Slasher movie for the rush you get when seeing gushing gore, not jump cut fades, or bull shit POV shots with super-sized audio augmentation.


So the edited but still extant tit-shots of Debi Sue Voorhees, Juliette Cummins, & Rebecca Ward saved the day, adding several stars to the rating. Bottom line, I am willing to give it 6 stars for intent, for over 20 lame kills, & for lovely fill-the- screen sprout wood boner-inducing tit-shots.

7 replies »

  1. Alright, so glad you enjoyed this breastilicous review. So now it is time to move on deeper into the Jason lexicon. Next up is FRIDAY THE 13TH, PART VI: JASON LIVES (1986). The producers understood they had to bring the real Jason back to preserve the series fan base. It was directed by Tom McLoughlin. This film marks the third appearance of Tommy Jarvis, played this time by Thom Matthews. Tony Goldwyn is in it. C.J. Graham plays Jason Voorhees.


    • Well, damn, after that endorsement, I will dig even harder for those extra fine tit-shots. as well as nail each film I review; thanks, babe.


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