FRIDAY THE 13TH, PART III (1982)
FUCKED UP FRIDAY
Of course, the title of the day, FUCKED UP FRIDAY does not refer to the day itself screwing the pooch–it mean the work week is completed, & is now time to let your hair down, hang up your tie, & get fucked up. So what better way to celebrate the upcoming weekend than to check out a Slashman review.
FRIDAY THE 13TH, PART III (1982), released on Friday the 13th, one year after Part 2. The producers tried real hard to bring out a new Jason Adventure almost every year consecutive for nearly the first decade. They did use director Steve Miner, & most of the crew that filmed Part 2 (1981); the only time they would do this.
A fun sidebar, the shooting script, in order to protect the plot leakage, was titled CRYSTAL JAPAN after a David Bowie song, which started a tradition of giving the shooting scripts fake David Bowie song titles. The extra expense of shooting the film in 3D, was just part to the early 80’s gimmick to resurrect the process. None of the other sequels were shot in 3D.
There were two writers credited for the screenplay, Martin Kitroser & Carol Watson. Kitroser is mostly known as a script supervisor/doctor, & he had worked on the first two FRIDAY THE 13TH films, as well as 27 other movie scripts. He wrote the screen-plays on 8 films, including FRIDAY THE 13TH, THE FINAL CHAPTER (1984), MEAT-BALLS, PART II (1984), & FRIDAY THE 13TH: A NEW BEGINNING (1985). Carol Watson is known for the four collaborations she did with Kitroser.
The cinematography was done by Gerald Feil, who has lensed only 6 films. including HE KNOWS YOU’RE ALONE (1980), SILENT MADNESS (1984), & SAVAGE DAWN (1985).
PART III was 95 minutes in length. It was filmed in CA., around Santa Clarita, & the Melody Ranch. It had a nice 4 million dollar budget, & despite poor reviews by the critics, the movie grossed nearly 37 million dollars; enough to insure their would be work on the next sequel quickly. There is some nudity in the film;
Tracie Savage is naked in a shower. There is only one lonely F-Word, and the body count is 12. Several of the death scenes had to be trimmed to avoid an “X”rating from the MPAA; now that’s a damn shame. Jason Brooker plays Jason in this one. A former trapeze artist in England, he was 6’3” , but very trim; so slim they had to make him wear padding under the costume.
Taglines: A New Dimension in Terror.
Camp Crystal Lake’s bloody legacy.
There’s nowhere to hide–just try it!
JASON’S BABE GALLERY:
Our lead–off babe in demure Anne Gaybis,
who played the part of the “cashier”.
Ironically, with one of the smallest parts
in the movie, she was still able to provide us
with some lovely tit-shots, & even
some full-frontal nudity; you just GO, GIRL!
Next up we have Tracie Savage,
who played Debbie in the movie;
had the privilege of having the official nude shower scene.
Thanks for gracing the film & the gallery. Flashing one’s breasts in a horror film can really boost the word of mouth, right?
Then we go to Catherine Parks
who played Vera; pretty lady, no nudity found.
The lead was the lovely Dana Kimmell who played Chris. I could not find even a bikini shot for her.
Badda-boom, we are reminded this is a quality Paramount presents kind of a movie, no Indie producers & shit.
It opens with showing the last big scene in PART 2, where Ginny is fighting the hillbilly Sackhead Jason, her Viking boyfriend comes to her aid; they go back to the lodge, but Jason shows up to finish things; with a jump cut to Ginny being loaded into an aid car, with no explication as to what happened to Jason or the boyfriend.
Then the title credits, which look bizarre in 2D, as they are all stretched out funny, & a bit hard to focus on. I am sure that there will be a ton of moments where things are shoved into the camera lens to enhance the 3D version of this opus.
We pick up with Sackhead Jason pulling the machete out of his shoulder, picking up the bloody blade & beating feet out of the lodge.
Cut to a General Store & Bait shop somewhere along Crystal Lake, run by Harold & Edna. She is a shrew, sitting eating chips in front of the TV with butt-ugly curlers in her hair. She is played by a twenty-something actress, trying much too hard to appear unattractive & older. He is comic relief redneck dumb, wandering around eating donuts out of new containers, slurping juice & putting it back on the shelf.
The scene goes on for ten times as long as it needed to, a kind of Ma & Pa Kettle meet George & Martha in Shrewville. At some point she is yelling at him to do a chore, but he decides to go out to the laundry shed where the toilet is, & take a dump while reading the latest copy of JUGS.
There already has been four moments where one of them has poked something at the lens for 3-D’s sake. I am sad to hear that the musical score is rife with programmed squeaks & violin squalls to prep you, or fake you out, feeling very much like canned TV sitcom crap tunes.
After having five fake-out noise alerts, Harold gets to his feet, pulls up his pants without wiping his ass, just as Jason appears from behind the fucking water heater & plants a meat cleaver in his chest.
Of course, Edna, right away decides that Harold is taking too long, so she heads out looking for him, braying like a mule, calling out his name. She wanders around the place looking for her milktoast mate, & finally her insipid character hears a noise, as we are treated on the soundtrack with the signature
wheee-whee-wheee kill-kill-kill ma-ma-ma whooop-whee-whoop theme, & then Jason sneaks up behind her & shoves one of her knitting needles into her brain stem (I guess he snuck in the house while she was outside & grabbed the first sharp object he could find, or her stupid looking knitting projects pissed him off).
Cut to town the next day as we meet the next batch of good-looking teenagers who will meet the machete soon. Our protagonist heroine is Chris Higgins, & she has convinced a bunch of her friends to come with her for a camping weekend at her parents lakefront cottage; at Crystal Lake one assumes, but no real mention of it materializes.
The group includes chubby Shelly, the outcast prankster with his box of fun on his lap, Vera, boyfriend Rick, Andy & Debbie, she being pregnant (though no big deal is made of her being with child out of wedlock), & stereotype stoners Chuck (who is working hard on his Tommy Chong look) & Chili.
On the way there they almost run over an old geezer lying in the road. They stop, & wake up old Abel, who immediately warns them, using bible quotes, of their impending doom if they continue on their journey; an obvious link to Crazy Ralph in the first two films, this was a clunky stupidly written scene that began to prepare us for a clunky poorly-written dreadfully-acted movie.
They arrive at the “cottage” which has a huge barn on the property. The cottage, barn, & lake were all constructed for the film; another California big budget conceit; why the fuck they could not use a real location, as they did in the first two films, is beyond me.
They settle into their rooms, with Shelly pulling a couple of horror pranks right away, where he pretends to be wounded, using fake blood, prop hatchets, etc. The other kids are not amused, & neither are we.
Chris makes up a shopping list of food stuffs needed, & Shelly with Vera borrow Rick’s VW bug (the producer’s seem to like VW’s & Jeeps a lot) & head over to the nearest AM/PM to get the grub.
While there, they encounter three motorcycle freaks, Ali (who is trying to be both Fonzie & Marlon Brando), Fox,( who is straining to be the bad ass black biker chick & it never jells), & the leader, Loco (who is almost convincing, but so poorly drawn that he comes off as a stoned Woody Strode clone). “Loco” is more what the writers were for creating this trio of cardboard idiot posers.
Inside the store Fox & Ali get tough & have fun harassing fat boy Shelly, & pretty brunette Vera. It’s the old drop the wallet, & have to beg to get it back routine.
After getting into the VW, Loco doesn’t like the comments Shelly made, so he takes the length of chain he carried around on his neck looking silly, & smashes the driver’s window & windshield. Shelly, in an attempt to impress Vera, whom he would dearly love to schtoop, backs into the three motorcycles, knocking them over. Loco shakes his bony fist & vows revenge.
When Shelly & Vera get back to the lake cottage, Rick is very upset by what happened to his Prussian Bug, & wants to bail out on the weekend; but Chris twizzles her nice jugs at him, & begs him to stay–which he does.
Debbie, despite her pregnacy, is having fun lying about in a bikini, while the stoner couple look on in puzzlement.
Then Chris convinces Rick to do some hard work at the barn that requires him to take his shirt off, & for her to swing on the hayloft pulley to tease him.
Cut to Loco, Ali, & Fox sneaking up to Chris’ van. They are carrying three five gallon gas cans & a syphoning hose. Ali is smoking a cigarette around the gas, & Loco slaps it out of his mouth; like a routine from a Dead End Kids short.
They carry on loudly, & the oblivious teenagers do not seem to hear or notice them. After filling all three gas cans, Loco sends Ali into the barn to spread some fuel, & start a fire.
Once inside the fake-looking barn interior, Ali encounters Jason, who has been hiding in there. Ali is spoiling for a fight, & decides to attack Jason; which as you might imagine was like watching a Pug try to fuck an elephant.
Jason beats the dumb punk bitch to death with a pipe wrench. Then Fox comes in looking for Ali, & Jason attacks her, strangling her with some tack, then stabbing her with a pitchfork. Finally Loco comes in with two more full gas cans. When he encounters Jason, he too decides to duke it out with the big guy; & he is doing a fair job of it until Jason gets serious & knocks his biker ass out.
Cut to nightfall. Rick & Chris decide to go for a drive & mellow out, looking for a passion pit where he can cop a feel, or practice his finger-fucking skills. While they are gone, Andy & Debbie go upstairs to prep for some serious teen-fucking scene. Vera wanders around down by the lake, & Shelly appears out of the water in A wet suit, wearing a hockey mask, holding a machete.
He scare the crap out of Vera, & she decides that a pity blow job is now no longer a possibility as she stomps off in a pouty huff. Did I mention that all the acting by the young cast sucked runny dog shit? Well, it did, some of the worst line readings ever.
While Shelly is blubbering & whimpering over the loss of fellatio, Jason sneaks up behind him & slits his throat, then stoops down & picks up the hockey mask & puts it on; drum roll please, the Jason iconography is complete
(but even though the mask was remolded later to fit his face better, it kept bothering me that it was too small for his large face, & looked kind of silly). But he is all geared up now, & he sets off in the direction of the teen age giggling, grunting, & groin gears grinding.
Cut to lovely Vera still wandering near the lake, looking all hot & shit in her tight red sweater & red pedal-pushers. Jason appears 50 yards away, masked up & carrying Shelly’s skin diver harpoon gun. Vera, assuming it is Shelly again is yelling insults & epithets at him when he shoots the harpoon gun, & strikes her in the left eye; as she goes down without a sound I think, wow, hell of a shot at that distance while wearing a hockey mask, using a weapon he never had seen before.
Cut to Andy & Debbie in Chris’s old room, in a hammock instead of a bed; nice touch. Andy is very fit & athletic, so he finds a way to nail his preggers honey while swinging in the hammock, but no real skin shots, just a lot of squirming & fucking moaning under the blankets.
Post-coitus, Debbie decides to take a shower (WTF, this cottage has a tub & shower, but no indoor crapper? The out house was shown several times in passing).
Andy, who is one of those musclebound little shits who can walk on his hands for minutes at a time, decides that he is going to walk on his hands to go after some beers (these damn teen agers in horror flicks are always having sex & swilling beers it seems).
Debbie disrobes, & we get a pretty good nudity scene, the one that shows up every time the Movie is Googled.
We see her nice butt, & while the camera is in the shower with her, with see some fairly good tit-shots; though I think the director was still a bit of a prude, & we needed more steadi-cam clear breast-shots. The actress was willing, so what was the problem?
Cut to Andy returning (now this bedroom is connected to a spiral staircase, so he must only do his walking on his hands near the bedroom; he is in fact walking on his hands again; don’t know how in hell he was carrying the beer).
Jason appears & cuts Andy almost in half with the machete; we hear the slicing blows, but off-camera bullshit effect.
Cut back to Debbie, hearing something, & turning off the shower. She thinks it is Andy screwing around, so she chides him. She dabs twice with a towel on her tits, & then still dripping wet puts on a robe; weird.
She can’t find Andy, so reclines in the hammock until drops of blood begin dripping on her mag pages; she looks up & sees Andy hacked in half, stuffed up into the rafters.
Jason, who some how got underneath her without her noticing it, Christ, plunges a butcher knife completely through her back, as the blade tip emerges near her clavicle.
Cut to the main part of the cabin where stoners Chuck & Chili are smoking, getting high, & playing grab-ass; odd that they did not notice Jason going upstairs at some point, or the hacking death of Andy, since the sight lines are wide open. Just then, of course, the power goes out. Chuck decides to be the man, & heads outside, first to take a dump in the half-moon crapper, then to check on the power situation.
While reading another men’s magazine, he hears someone/something outside. He leaps up, & pulls up his pants without wiping his ass; damn, the same deal that weird Harold did in the prologue.
Cut to Chuck heading into the power shed, wading in water wile bare-footed. He locates the fuse/breaker box, & then Jason appears. They tussle a bit, & Jason slams the Chong-wannabe into the power box, frying him like pork hocks on a spit.
Cut to Chili, inside the cottage, beginning to worry about how long her Chucky is taking. As she paces back & forth, scratching her ass & her head, she does not seem to notice that Jason has entered the premises & is over at the fireplace, holding the poker in the flames. In one minute the tool is red-hot; another cute improbable bullshit notion for sure. She finally turns, sees Jason, screams, as he impales her with the red hot fireplace poker, through her stomach & out her back; jump cut bloodless shot fade out.
Cut to Chris & Rick sitting on a log near the parked VW in the woods. Rick is making out with her, copping some tit, reaching for her butt, when she pulls away, as she explains in her worst high school dramatics mode that two years previously, she had been left alone at the cottage, & she was attacked by a “horribly disfigured man” while strolling in the woods. She got away from him, smacking him in the head with a branch, but has had nightmares ever since. Rick’s erection turned to toad stool status, & peeved, he decides that they need to get back to the others.
Of course, the fucking Volks-wagon will not start, so they have to hike back to the lake with just a flashlight. No sense of how far that hike might be though.
They get back to the cottage while enduring yet another horror movie rain storm, & they note the lights are off in the cabin; but in fact the wide shot of the cottage shows it ablaze with lights; piss-poor matching shot.
Cut to the interior of the cottage, where things are flung about in obvious disarray; no shit. There is entirely too much light in the room, making their flashlights look stupid. Rick is the man, so he goes outside to look around.
After a time, Chris steps out on the back porch to look for Rick; just beyond her in the shadows, Jason is holding tough Ricky, his bloody hand over the kid’ s mouth.
After Chris goes back into the house, Jason kills Rick, ala Michael Meyer style, lifting him in the air & crushing his skull at the temples with his bare hands (some nice sound cues of crunching/breaking bone), popping out one of his eyes & killing him.
Chris decides to go looking for Rick, calling his name she enters the barn & stumbles over Loco’s body. then she tries to start her van & drive off, but all the gas has been drained out of it, & it won’t start. Suddenly Jason shows up & tries to get at her.
Screaming she runs back to the house, freaked, panicked, peeing her pants with mock fear.
She finds Ali’s body hung upside down in fine Indie horror style.
She double locks & bars the doors, but suddenly Rick’s body is hurled through a window. Screaming, she rushes back outside, smooth move, & heads back to the barn; another smart idea. She hides in the hayloft.
Jason, of course pursues the dumb bitch, coming up to the hayloft immediately; I mean where else would the broad go to hide? He has his machete, & takes several swipes at her, but she is cool & fast & stays out of the blade’s arc.
She picks up an axe handle, or a two- by-four & smacks him on the back of the head, knocking his killer ass out. Then she stabs him about ten times with his own machete.
Then she places the barn pulley rope around his neck, & pushes him out the hay loft portal, effectively hanging him. Jubilant, she goes back downstairs, opens the barn doors to check on him. He is hanging just inches off the ground.
Suddenly he comes to, pulls his mask back, & struggles to get the rope off from around his swollen neck. Chris gasps as she recognizes Jason as the man who had attacked her years earlier.
He manages to struggle out of the noose, & she figures her sweet ass is grass; but suddenly the biker, Loco, appears, having survived his attack previously.
Jason attacks him while Chris watches. After a bit of silly sparing, Jason cuts off Loco’s right hand, & then hacks the man to pieces with the trusty machete; mostly off camera.
Cut to Chris picking up an axe, holding it over her head, & hacking down onto the side of Jason’s head, cutting through part of the mask. Jason goes down fast, wham, hitting the hay boards.
But all this horror shit has Chris freaked to the Max. She stumbles outside in a daze, goes down by the lake, gets into her canoe, & pushes it out onto the lake (which looks like the stagnant tepid crap hole man-made pond it is). She falls asleep, awakens in the morning still frightened. She sees Jason’s unmasked face in a barn window.
A moment later, Jason appears outside, mask-less & still menacing. She starts paddling to safety, looks back, & Jason is gone; an obvious delusion. She stops, sits up, & is trying to calm down, when suddenly up out of the water,
the decaying corpse of Mrs. Pamela Voorhees rises, with a head intact, & pulls Chris backward out of the canoe, into the lake;
connecting, of course to that scene at the end of the first movie.
Cut to “some time later”. There are several cop cars parked around. A deputy sheriff reports to the Sheriff that there were no othersurvivors. Chris is standing there, alive & dry, but mumbling like a son-of-a-bitch about the events, whimpering, crying, moaning; I mean this girl is seriously fucked up & traumatized; imagine that.
The camera pans over to the barn. Jason is still lying there, wearing the hockey mask, with the axe still in his head. Cut to a shot of the lake, & it appears to be at peace once more. Roll final credits.
Steve Miner shot two other alternate endings, which might have shown up on director’s cut or uncut DVDs. The first scenario had Jason dying the same way, but biker punk Ali somehow barely survived, so he & Chris escape together as Jason gets up & walks away.
The second scenario had Chris having a dream while sleeping in the canoe; in it Jason attacks her & decapitates her with the machete.
Then she awakens. I might have preferred that one; a good decapitation always brightens up a Slasher film I say.
ROTTEN TOMATOES rated this film at 13% Critic’s Approval, giving it a head-spinning whopping 87% negative critical overall response, with a 43% Audience Approval.
Janet Maslin of the NEW YORK TIMES wrote: “Eventually, the novelty wears off, & what remains is the now-familiar spectacle of nice, attractive, dumb kids being lopped, chopped & perforated.”
John J. Puccio of MOVIE METROPOLIS wrote: “It seems the casting director continued to find young performers who were wonderfully cute people & woefully bad actors.”
Kevin Carr of 7M PICTURES wrote: “So appallingly, overwhelmingly stupid that is can be defined as “Stupid” even by the standards of the Friday the 13th franchise.”
Tom Brayton of ANTAGONY & ECSTACY wrote: “I swear, this tends to play like Dr. Tongue’s 3D House of Hackneyed Sight Gags.”
Jeffrey M. Anderson of COMBUSTIBLE CELLULOID wrote: “I found the gore to be surprisingly suggestive, rather than blatant–& therefore the audience does not get what they paid for.”
My response to this hurried clunker sequel is lukewarm at best. The writing was really sophomoric & completely dumbed down. The movie score really sounded like canned re-tapes from old Alfred Hitchcock TV episodes; far from innovative or stirring. The cinematography was adequate, but certainly not eye-catching. The constant tossing things or poking things at the camera lens was tiresome, & quite silly in 2D. I remember feeling that way about seeing John Wayne’s movie HONDO, & feeling that way, since it had been released in 3D as well.
Amy Steel was offered the chance to reprise her role, which she turned down. It might have made a tighter story to have continued with the character who survived the previous picture, even if they had to hire another blond actress to play the character, instead of constructing this new character with a lame encounter with Jason; I’m just saying.
Again, fucking again, the gore was trimmed to a minimum, in order to avoid the dreaded “X” rating; God damn, it sanitizes the kill scenes down to a joke. I don’t know at what point the X-rating was dropped, but gore certainly has intensified in recent years. That’s what I get for reviewing classic horror films, I guess.
In this movie several kill scenes had to be “trimmed’/gutted. When Andy was killed, they filmed his legs being hacked off, & his stomach being cut open; cool. They had a close-up of Vera with the harpoon in the eye, which was deemed “too gory”; bite me. When he killed curlers-in-her-hair Edna, in the prologue, they cut out “the excessive blood flow”; shit. When Chili was impaled, they cut the gush of blood onto the floor; Christ. Even half-naked pregnant Debbie’s death scene was trimmed down secondary to blood spattering onto her face, & running down her chest.
So this time I kind of agree with the Critics; this was a disappointing sequel. I would rate it at 3.5 stars out of the HH scale of 10 stars. I dug it that Jason picked up his soon to be trademark hockey mask in this one, but before the first hour crawled by, life-draining lameness had its way with me.