asian horror

Zombie Ass: The Toilet of the Dead (2011)

01

This week we bring you another bizarre little film from director Noboru Iguchi (Machine Girl, Dead Sushi).  Now I feel it important to mention that he’s also responsible for a segment from the first ABCs of Death movie, titled F is for Fart.  If you’ve seen that one, then you’ve probably already got a good idea of what we’re getting into here (as if the titles didn’t make it blindingly obvious).  On the plus side we once again have the effects expertise of Yoshihiro Nishimura on board, so take heart ‘hooch faithful – all of the foul secretions in this one come spewing at ya in Nishimura’s signature realistic glory.

Sweaty’s Stats

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Nudity

Well, the good news is, there are plenty of ass shots.  The bad news … let’s just say that context is everything here.

Gore

This movie does not skimp on the zombie slaying, so there is a good amount of blood and uh … other fluids.  The traditional effects look great; unfortunately the CGI is once again subpar, though it is used sparingly.

Screwball Factor

Off the friggin’ charts.  Remember those Rape Zombie movies?  Now replace every instance of “rape” with “shit,” add some tentacle porn and bloody farts,  plus some giant, flying monster battles and extensive body horror.  Yep.

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Summary

This one begins with your cliche “teens go camping in zombie-infested woods” plot and quickly rolls downhill like the proverbial excrement.  Don’t get me wrong, the movie isn’t bad per se … but it’s immediately apparent that even those with the stomach for hardcore gore may have a little trouble swallowing this one.

02

Oh god AHHHH

Our protagonists are a group of Scooby-Doo inspired friends with a Japanese twist: Velma’s a dude, Daphne’s got a lot more cleavage, Fred and Shaggy are the same guy (with some rapist tendencies tossed in for good measure).  Plus, there’s a ninja girl.

03

There’s always a ninja girl.

Daphne (aka Maki), shallow bombshell that she is, decides she’s going after the parasite-laden trout in the area, in the hopes of swallowing one of the tapeworms so that she can attain a model’s figure.  ‘Cause ya know, she’s such a disgusting cow.

04

Insert udder joke here.

Against her friends’ advice, she eats the worm.  Meanwhile, pill-popping Fred (aka Tak) corners Ninja Girl (Megumi) and things get a little rapey; Tak of course forgetting that kunoichi got skillz, yo.  After his boys drop back down out of his abdominal cavity he’s immediately attacked and bitten by a zombie.  He survives, but their Mystery Machine winds up conveniently stolen at the same time, so the group has no choice but to flee into the woods.  They come to a seemingly abandoned house deep in the forest just at the time Maki’s shit-weasel starts to work its magic.  And thus begins the portion of the film where the uh, shit starts to hit the fan, so to speak.  And the ground, and the trees, and the actresses, and the camera … aaannnd I’m not going to screenshot this part.  But what follows is an accurate portrayal of my reaction to it.

05g

05b

05i

05c

05j

05f

05d

05a

1332402400367

05e

*cries*

Hey, but these zombies aren’t just your average brain-munching fecalpheliacs, no.  They’re also horny brain-munching fecalpheliacs, and boy do they start getting on with the groping.  Now I know you’re all just dying to know.  How exactly DOES one kill a perverted shit zombie?

06

Of course.

Enter Dr. Tanaka and his creepy daughter, Sachi.  The Doc saves the crazy kids from the hoard and takes them in, telling them that he’s been researching the cause of the zombie infection.  The previously bitten Tak dies soon after, to the horror of his girlfriend Aya.  Stricken with grief, Aya is in need of comforting.

07

Naked, in the shower. Naturally.

Sometime later Megumi stumbles upon the good doctor and his daughter, learning of their true motives.  The sickly Sachi is in need of a mutant tapeworm transplant daily to keep her alive, and so dear ol’ dad’s been harvesting the townsfolk to grow them.  And that meal they fed Megumi and friends earlier?  Full of tapeworm eggs.  Oops.  The kids soon flee the hospital of horrors but are stopped by the undead hoard.  Naoi (Man Velma) and Aya stay to fight them off while Megumi goes back for the cure.  It all comes to a head with a battle between the final players: Naoi and Aya vs. the zombies and Dr. Tanaka; Megumi trading blows with the knife-wielding Sachi.  The previously turned Maki makes a return appearance as the incubator for Queen Tapeworm, and all hell breaks loose, with an ending more than fitting to this foray into total lunacy.

08

Including, but not limited to, the obligatory tentacle rape scene.

Final Thoughts

I’d like to mention that one of the highlights of the film is surprisingly its soundtrack.  Synth-heavy and reminiscent of late 70’s/early 80’s American horror, it’s a nice throwback to the originals which continue to inspire these modern (if not unusual) interpretations today.  Also the effects are quite good, though at most times it’s less blood and more … other bodily juices splashing across the screen.

These types of movies in general are difficult to score, but I admit this one had me stumped.  Of course it’s vile, disgusting and juvenile.  And although it’s not really my cup of hot chocolate, I’m not a gal who’s above a little toilet humor here and there.  What’s more, given my particular expertise here at the ‘hooch, I must say I truly value a movie that can sufficiently shock me these days.  So, bravo Japan.  Just when I thought Rape Zombies were the pinnacle of weird, shambling horrors, you come along and obliterate what small semblance of sanity I had left.

09

The same can be said for my eyes.

Though I’ll vouch that this movie is much better than the title would suggest, it is indeed just a little too heavy on the butt stuff for my tastes.  There’s really only one joke here, and that joke is poop.  Which gets old.  Still, this movie is ostentatiously weird and utterly ridiculous in that very particular way that puts J-horror close to my perverse little heart.  As I stated earlier, even those who consider themselves well-traveled in this strange little genre will most certainly be grossed out at some point in this film, and that’s certainly worthy of a few points in my book.  If you really want to enjoy this film to its full potential?  Get some friends of a lesser constitution together, booze ‘em up and put this puppy on.  The real show will be the one in your living room, I think.

Score: 7/10, not perfect, but better than you’d expect

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