Boobs

American Mary (2012)

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I wish revenge was always as they make it look in the movies. Someone fucks you over and you just get your minions to kidnap them so you can amputate their limbs and hang them on a hook to test your new found body modding passion.  I know that’s exactly how I’d carry out my revenge or even just pass the time on the weekends with the neighbor’s kid.  I can see it now! A bottle of Jack in one hand, scalpel in the other; covered in the blood of my enemy.  What more could a girl ask for?

The Soska twins really leave a mark with this one and if you’ve ever seen Ginger Snaps, Katharine Isabelle as Mary Mason delivers her usual quick witted sarcasm with style. I fucking love that girl!

 

Mary Mason the starving surgical student who decides to do what any anyone in her situation and mounting bills would do. She goes to work as a stripper – which does mean tits in this film – but not the way you hoped, which I’ll get to later. While “interviewing” she gets her toes wet in some first hand surgical experience when the club owner Billy needs her to sew up one of his crew. He offers Mary five thousand dollars to do the job and well, bitches gotta eat.

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“Hey, completely inexperienced surgeon stripper, fix him!”

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“Do what now?”

Word gets out about her skills and desperation to one of the strip club’s main attractions.

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“Boop Boop-be-doop!”

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Beatrice Johnson, a creepy (and somehow adorable) fucking life size Betty Boop offers Mary a gig for one of her friends operations. Beatrice’s friend is a woman named Ruby Realgirl who wants her fucking nips chopped off and her twat sewn up to avoid being sexualized and to be more doll like. Because no one would sexualize this:

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Just curious. How do you….um….nevermind.

Or this:

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I know. Tits. But not the way you’d hoped.

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“Shit.”

Welcome to the internet!:

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“Look, ma! No vulva!”

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Is it just me or does she look like she’s attempting to grow her nipples back?

 

This is a little better…. right?

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Back at Mary’s day job she gets invited to a surgeon party (because they have those apparently). Mary’s college professor Dr. Grant, who seems a bit of a sociopath not to mention foul mouthed as fuck for a teacher (red flag), drugs and rapes her at this party and films the whole thing. Mary goes though a catwoman-like attitude transformation where she decides she is no longer in the shit taking business.  She has Billy bring her El Professor de la Rape and she proceeds to take all that she has learned out on him.

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Psychopath begets psychopath.

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“Say ah.”

 

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“You’ve been punked!”

Apparently Mary had sewn up Ruby’s snatch so well she gained popularity in the underground body mod universe becoming the Heisenberg of artistic mutilation.

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“You’re goddamned right.”

Word hits the Demon Twins (played by the Soska Twins) who are the big dogs of body mods and they solicit Mary to swap each others left arms plus a few other little things. I’m still not completely sure how that made sense but whatever.

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“Because we aren’t creepy enough already.”

As time goes on Mary’s path to psycho is accelerating to the point of no return and a detective is starting to catch on to the missing professor. Unfortunately, Ruby’s husband was more than not okay with his wife’s sewn up glory hole and attacks our poor Mary. She attempts to sew her wound but even Mary’s bad ass skill couldn’t save her hot corpse. Just like Heisenberg, she goes out bloody and victorious in her revenge.

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“Well at least that guys dead. Asshole fucked up my good dress.”

This is instantly a cult classic for me. I am definitely a fan of the Soska Twins look forward to seeing Dead Hooker in a Trunk and their all female director horror anthology. They are girls after my own heart.

This film is easily a 9/10 shots shots of Jack. I am now starved with drunk munchies. Thanks Mary.

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