Wasted Wednesday

Dead on Appraisal (2014)

I pooped a little. I mean, not a lot, but mid raucous laugh at high noon drunk just a bit sneaked out. With good reason too.

This is one fucking FUN horror anthology with only the cheesiest, most terrifically done puppets you can imagine. Sittin pretty at a budget of 15k, these guys made every goddamn penny count. Whats really messed up is, while I shouldve been screaming “WHAT the FUCK” most of the time, the only thing that caught me off guard was the main man eating a single slice of pizza with a fork and knife. WHO EATS ONLY ONE PIECE OF PIZZA?

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THE MORNING AFTER

Lets look past the fact that this whole segment was filmed using the ‘valencia’ filter on instagram and talk about some real shit. FIRST – thank the merciful gods they didn’t attempt to do this shit with garbage computer generated bullshit because at first blush the most beautiful thing here is the make up and the fucking puppets. LOVE ME SOME PUPPETS.

LOVE ME SOME RIDICULOUS SOUNDTRACK.

Throw a few dozen gallons of blood on it, stick your hand up a synthetic bugs ass, and color me fucking interested. Garnish that turd bird with a conspiracy theorist/apocalypse prepper/very bizarre weapon enthusiast type…and you’ve got one helluva party.

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Shitsnacks Harry, I think i’m in love!

(PS I see you there, Cemetery Man poster…)

FATHER LAND

So then there’s this PTSD story where the dude…blows…himself…up?

Were there credits for this one? WTF happened? Did I black out?

Kind of a downer here.

FREDDIE AND THE GOBLINS

I am fucking IN LOVE with this shit! This black metal death metal whatever the fuck! ITS BRILLIANT. Way to bring back the fun with fucking aplomb!!

Clearly, this segment is the main event, and the opening acts were just foreplay bullshit (although the first one was drop dead awesomesauce)

One eyed horse/unicorn/tentacled beast shows up at a poker party I’d sure as shit crash that party with an axe.

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Seriously – if I could get more neon death metal puppet WWF dance parties like this one in my life I’D DIE HAPPY.

CONCLUSIONS

I’m still reeling. Not just from the bucket of cider I butt chugged a minute ago either.

This….was ridiculous. It was insane. It was the best fucking ride I’ve experienced in a long damn while. Electro death metal gore fest for the measly fucking price of ADMISSION? DO YOURSELF A FAVOR.

Put down the laptop, the phone, huck the desktop out the window. A few geniuses have put together a horror anthology that will make you shit the bed and you have GOT to see it.

TL;DR 9/10 I literally applauded. I applauded a dvd.

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TRAILER

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