Its not often I get my dick blown off by pure fucking glory.

Come to think of it, that shits never happened. Kids and unfortunate parents I bring you




Now, for the record, you should know this is my first review of fiction.

But how could I not? This is too brilliant to pass up.

THIS is what you will read. Without doubt or question, you will read this. Shitfucked and cumstained I woke up after reading the last chapter and crawled n the arms of gentler authors. Like I regressed to ‘See Spot Run’. What I’m saying is…you should read this.

Imagine if Steven King, Dean Koontz, and the Marquis de Sade got together and had a love child – it might come close to mirroring HELLZAPALOOZA.

If you can make it through one chapter of this book, and tell me your fuck stick doesn’t want more or at LEAST twitch, I’ll gargle gasoline.

Seriously, if there’s one thing I want to be remembered for, its reading this mind blowing, after-life starting, ‘novel’ I see as per-fuck-tion made fiction. There’s no replacing or (even less) embracing the best words to make a mess of your face hole – you will read this and the liquid leaking out your ears is natural, while troubling, is to be expected.


If I could possibly describe what happens in four HUNDRED fuck off pages I’d be a goddamn AUTHOR. Still its worth a shot.

The story follows a group of unlikely heroes in the town of Theodosia, set to fight the great evil unearthed and soon to be showcased at the HILLZAPALOOZA concert – eggplants, demons, sylphs and sizzurp – its a ride unequaled in debauchery, drunkenness, and something involving an eggplant I’d rather not get into.

7 different writers contributed to the final product, and while it runs the risk of derailing or coming from too many angles, it WORKS. QUITE WELL, if you can’t tell from my emphatic use of caps and cuss.


The characters of Ellie, Fiona, Scranton, Edna, and Rainbow make for a brilliant cast of heroes and heroines (and possibly a little heroin).

On the flip side of the coin, evil never tasted, felt, or fucked so good – Rayjay and crew, a demon haunted preached, at least one rape demon and countlesss other baddies keep the plot line pacing like Rick James’ heart in the 70s; shrill, hard, fast, and damn near off the rails. And yet it works. It REALLY works. The pages fly by like hooker cards in Vegas, and its impossible to put down. I seriously lost sleep (and when I did sleep HOLEEEE SHIT the dreams I had) but didn’t mind for one minute. If you read this and don’t love every brain pan shattering moment you must be developmentally disabled.

There, I said it. If you have a different opinion thats nice, and you’re entitled to it, just know that its WRONG and you should feel bad.

Want a good takeaway? This shit would make Hemingway hard.


Intrigued? Check out the first chapter and say goodbye to the next week of your life as you’re compelled to finish the whole goddamn deal.



Lets start with BUYING IT. NOW. HERE.


After that, follow these brilliant pens of perfection on Facebook and Twitter 

Also, we hope to be doing more with this wonderful wastes of space on: HELLZAPALOOZA!!


 the Kindle version is only 2.99, and contains 2 things the paperback doesn’t- a full description of all the bands, AND a chapter that was cut from the novel. We call it “The Lost Orgy Chapter.” 🙂 The kindle version is available here:


And never forget to follow US on twitter and facebook

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