Don't even bother

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones

Holy fuck tits. If you insist on watching this, fill a bathtub with the worst rotgut that money can buy and fuckin swim in it.

And you might get drunk enough.

Oh – there’s a pair of tits, but believe me the trade off is not worth it. UGH.

paranormal-activity-the-marked-ones-poster

Synopsis

So – a group of High School kids “in the GHETTTTOOOOOO” live above a supposed Bruja. When they purchase a camera and begin documenting their lives, they bite off more than they can chew when the main kid Jessie is marked by some sort of demon for possession.

Predictably, upon investigating the Bruja’s (that’s witch in spanish FOOL) apartment, they discover a notebook with a ritual to open a portal and travel through time. Once they perform said ritual, bizarre things begin to happen to all of them.

Including a Simon Says game that doubles as a Ouija board.

Yeah.

Conclusions

Chake Wait. The only moment I really enjoyed.

The last thing I wrote on my notepad was ‘pants on head retarded’ then I passed out halfway to the bed.

Its the worst bits of the other 4 films plus fucking time travel. Seriously – I thoroughly enjoyed the first 3. The sound cues, having to focus at the the screen to see what was about to move or whatever. NONE of that appeal here – the only scares are the most retarded jump cues – and yes, while I’ll admit thats how most of the series does it, they at least build tension before hand.

I’ll say this – for being relatively unknown, the leads performed quite well. But…thats not enough to save what is, overall, a lackluster and boring ride. It’s only got a runtime of 84 minutes but you sure as shit could have fooled me. It. Drags.

TL;DR 3/10. Not even worth the rental price. If it pops on cable and you’re too hungover to reach the remote…yeah. Sure. Let it play. You’ll enjoy last 10 mins.

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IMDB for the film

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