If you're already drunk

Night of the Templar

“Paybacks a bitch”

Check it out – Udo Kier, Norman Reedus, Billy Drago, David Carradine….

Add in a Knight who really knows how to hold a grudge, a few incredibly sexy chicks, sprinkle on some humor, and you’ve got one saucy dish. Enter “Night of the Templar”



Reincarnation, templars, a holy curse and revenge served cold? Fuck. Yeah.

A templar, betrayed, makes a promise to his killers – ‘live out your 10 life times of excess, but I will find you, all of you’

And boy howdy does he deliver.

You know these names – Udo Kier (Blade anyone?), Billy Drago (THE HILLS HAVE  EYES), and of course the legendary David Carradine. Each plays an insanely unique role in this story of retribution through reincarnation.

Don’t tell my girl but I felt my britches stir when Paul Sampson as Jake McCallister first clashed with Henry Flesh (Norman Reedus)



Jake McCallister, events coordinator, has arranged for a unique getaway for each guest.

We first see the fangs with ‘You can’t buy class’ and ‘you can’t buy intelligence either, apparently’.

Its evident soon our reincarnated lead doesn’t know what he’s set for this weekend. There’s an evolution of character, as ‘Jake’ faces his blood heritage.

Jake? or Gregoire?sampson_slider_020

For the rest, vengeance takes the lead, and we see what each guest is truly made of. Like, sometimes what they’re actually made of (i’m talkin about their insides)

The group, left to their own means, discover an obscure storybook, and as the innocently sexy Amy reads from it, we find ourselves living the story of a group of lost Templar knights, bearing the 8 pointed cross, led by the hero Gregoire. The most striking thing about this progression is that the more we learn of Gregoire, the more we see him as a gracious and considerate leader. Unfortunately, betrayal was lurking in the hearts of his supposedly faithful brothers.

Udo Kier, the resident ‘priest’, brings amazing insight to the group (are we sure he isn’t a vampire?) no bro TOTALLY just a priest


The group begins to realize they know each other. (just ignore the bit where Norman Reedus channels David Carradine and auto erotic asphyxiation)

Jake begins to piece the puzzle together, as folks start dropping like flies, and we learn more about the past. Before it all comes together in a staggering conclusion that’ll leave you wanting MORE.



Paul Sampson is solely responsible here – writer, director and star – and my god, does he do it right. Normally I’d be dishing about these huge fucking names he brought in, but remarkably, they take a sideline to Paul. So what does it mean when such huge names are supporting someone you may not have heard of yet?

It means that someone knows what the fuck he’s doing.

That being said with a supporting cast as such, the whole journey is goddamn engrossing. Enthralling. Other adjectives. Honestly, any preconceived notions you had before watching the movie go out the window once “Night of the Templar” gets underway. Its FUN.

Its strange…seeing Carradine as support…but there he is, doing exactly what he needs to, to support this movie.


At the end, what have we been waiting for? Revenge. Redemption. Gregoire to take his own, finally, and end the curse.

Do we get what we desire? Better fucking watch it and find out NO SPOILERS THIS TIME peasants.

Tits to gore ratio? 1:2. Unfortunately not that kind of movie. But that ignores the inherent sensuality of the main actresses, who are so stellar I’m left at half mast. Seriously I never thought bloody booty shorts would be my thing BUT HEY.

And the final question?? WHO IS THE VILLAIN.

Overall? 8/10. Despite the stellar support, its Paul Sampson that brings this home.



What an ending. Fuck.

You can stream the film through iTunes HERE

You can also order it online. Check out the film’s site.

IMDB for the film

Follow Horribly Hooched on Twitter and Facebook


7 replies »

  1. Brilliant review, titillating, interesting, epithetical, not afraid of words like fuck or tit; but still the soul of brevity, with complete avoidance of spoilers. I can see that my behemoth Film Reviews pale in comparison (though I do post more pics). Obviously there is a lot for me to learn in order to fully fulfill my status as HH staff reviewer #2 ( & we all know what #2 is, right?).


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s