Boobs

Hatchet 2

I know, I know. We haven’t reviewed the first one. We’ll get to it.

But we’re bored and drunk, so fuckin deal with it.

There’s tits, but thats pretty much to be expected. At least they got that right. Bottom line – we whole heartedly approve and endorse this one.

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SUMMARY

In this one, the main chick from the first movie survives, and goes to get a posse to mete out some swamp justice. There’s some interesting characters, like fucking Reverend Zombie, played by the inimitable Tony Todd (of Candyman fame), but otherwise its pretty goddamn cookie cutter horror. Which is perfect.

QUOTES OF THE NIGHT

Bacchus: What is he puking, corn? Quinoa?

Romulus: Looks like his career HEYO

—-

Bacchus: Muthafuckin candyman

Romulus: That voice. Dear god man.

Bacchus: LOU-EEEEASY-ANA

AWWW YISSS

AWWW YISSS

—–

Bacchus: Say what you will, they do the deaths really well –

Romulus: WAIT is that…is that Iceman? I get the feeling he left this one off his resume.

Bacchus: FACE…OFF

—-

Reverend Zombie sends the girl off to find backup

Bacchus: “Go on, get us some pipe hittin niggas”

Romulus: “If Butch goes to Indo-China, I want a nigger hiding in a bowl of rice waiting to pop a cap in his ass.”

note: Usage of the words niggas and nigger, respectively, have been approved by resident black guy Romulus

danielle_hatchet_II

—-

Vernon asks for more cookies

Bacchus: Has to be a black guy

Romulus: Hey niggas like cookies

—–

Bacchus: Did he just….go prince on that hicks ass?

Romulus: Either that or a James Brown that can talk.

——

chicks talking about getting the 5k for killing Crowley

Bacchus: What kind of shitty debt are you in?

Romulus: What is this 1926?

Bacchus: Is that how much a middle school equivalency costs?

—-

crowley begins bashing some dudes face in with an axe

Romulus: Lets put a SMILE on that FAAACE

—–

following vodka shot number 5, when a dude gets his face blended by a boat motor

Romulus: That is some EXCELLENT paper mache work.

—–

Bacchus: I told you she was only here for tits

"Do you like this more than JESUS?!"

“Do you like this more than JESUS?!”

—–

Crowley cuts Vernon and Quiet Fuck in half as their testicles drop to the ground

Romulus: RED BALLS

Bacchus: I SMOKE ROCKS JOE ROGAN

—–

Bacchus: Did he just

Romulus: Did he do the opposite

Bacchus: HE JUST SHOT A DOOR CLOSED

—-

Bacchus: A pregnant goldfish is called a ‘twit’

Romulus: How the fuck did you ….how does that relate?

Bacchus: I’m in the weird part of the internet again

—-

CONCLUSIONS

Holy. Fucking. Shit. What a blast. Grab a bottle, a friend, and sit down and watch this bitch.

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