Boobs

Mask Maker

Ah….fuck.

This makes my penis go to its no no place

This makes my penis go to its no no place

This was not our best choice.

HOWEVER, Ladies and Gentleman, THERE ARE TITTIES. So if this is all you read, continue on, fair soldier.

COMMENCE WITH THE SUMMARY

Movie opens with Treat Williams getting killed after ONE FUCKING LINE. And they credited him in the titles. Because he’s the best name they have. WHICH IS TERRIFYING.

Cut to generic college campus (ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED) where the boyfriend randomly buys a fucking PLANTATION house ON A WHIM. They explore the property, and the creepiness begins.

The deaths begin, along with the villain being humanized, so you can sympathize with the monster a bit. Think a lesser version of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. And thats it.

FIN DE LA SUMMARY

In terms of actual movie quality, I was actually very impressed by Nikki Deloach and her performance. Or was it the impressively perfect ass? Its hard to be sure this whiskey’s fucking delicious.

As to the writing…well, lets just say thank Christ there were tits.

I was quite impressed to see Michael Berryman on screen again. Not only is the man a great actor, but we’ve always loved the way he repurposed his disease and made the best of it. For the record, check out his IMDB profile – its a good read.

Aaand what the fuck is up with that hair style red shirt?

All in all, i’m impressed they spent so long building up characters I couldn’t give two witless fucks I couldn’t care less about. Lets ignore this…story and just go with tits and gore, shall we? Fuck.

BUT REALLY WHO FUCKS WITH THEIR BRA ON THATS LIKE TREASON YOU HEATHEN

YEAH LETS HAVE A CAMPFIRE IN THE FRONT YARD WHILE THE HOUSE IS FULLY LIT

YEAH LETS HAVE A CAMPFIRE IN THE FRONT YARD WHILE THE HOUSE HAS ELECTRICITY

Final thoughts: I get that he’s wearing their friends faces, but does that REALLY fool you? Don’t worry, it ends exactly as you’d expect.

QUOTES DE LA NOCHE

—-

Bacchus: Did they just kill their biggest name in less than a minute?

Romulus: I don’t think this is a good sign for Treat’s career.

—-

Bacchus: What’s it called?

Romulus: A plantation house. PLANTATION house. Fuck man, I can see the nigga housing from here.

—-

Romulus: Yeah BITCH, I bought you a HOUSE

—-

Bacchus: Oh girl, you want a pearl necklace? Gimme 30 seconds i’ll hook it up

Romulus: *PBBBBT* Go on out there and BE somebody

—-

Romulus: What fucking accent is that?

Bacchus: (pause) Shitty.

—-

Romulus: ‘Oh god oh god we’re all gonna die?’

Bacchus: ‘My ship crashes, you crashed it”

—-

“I”m right here, asshole!”

Romulus: With a tire iron.

Bacchus: Don’t worry…he’s got it.

—-

Romulus: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vlg-VRc6TbY

—-

“The boy was sick, ugly sick”

Bacchus: As opposed to attractive sick, which is a big thing

—-

Bacchus: This entire movie in 13 seconds: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5reDsSIiAk

—-

OH SHIT IS THAT A PLOT DEVICE

OH SHIT IS THAT A PLOT DEVICE

Check it out on IMDB

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