We're gonna need a bigger bottle

Don’t Let the Riverbeast Get You!

I…well. I can’t believe how much I loved this movie.

Lets consider the fact that they used Languorous in dialog. I want to be the big spoon in my now apparent relationship with this writer.

dont-let-the-riverbeast-get-you

BEING A SUMMARY

There’s a river monster.

AND THEN MOVING ON

Whoever did the music here deserves the musical equivalent of Leonardo DiCaprio’s Oscar.

Also, lets introduce all characters with full titles and accompanying descriptions. And seriously, Matt Farley, you’re making my brain wiggle with this shit. I can’t decide if you’re a goddamn genius or the worst thing to happen to my eye holes since that awkward experience with 2 girls 1 cup. You know what…fuck it…this is the best writing i’ve encountered. Hold on, Sparky Watts, there’s a new kid in town.

Is this a good movie? HAH. No. But its so terribly bad its one of the best I’ve ever fucking seen. Dude, no one shares their butternut squash.

Seriously, one of the best worst movies i’ve seen next to Mortal Kombat. Quote me on that shit. Along with that, Mr. Farley, are you trying to use as many SAT words as possible? We get it, you’re fucking intelligent. FUCK.

Was that photographer using a camera from the 1920s?

QUOTAS OF THE NIGHT

—-

Bacchus: Oh, she’s the fat friend of somebody. Source: Am also the fat friend of somebody

—-

Bacchus: I’m sorry, is that river monster doing the breast stroke?

Romulus: I’M SORRY IS THIS FUCKING BIRDEMIC

—–

Bacchus: My brain just shut down

Romulus: THIS HAS TO BE INTENTIONAL. THIS IS INTENTIONAL.

Bacchus: I think…I think this may be the best movie i’ve ever seen. But then again, my brains leakin out my ears.

—-

Bacchus: I guess I missed something…

Romulus: SO MUCH

Romulus: SO MUCH SMORE

—–

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH SPECIAL EFFECTS

Dont worry folks, this is special effects

—-

Watch it, you worthless scum sacks. IMDB shows you towards the ultimate glory.

I will follow these fucks to the end of the earth.

Very tempted to use Sparky Watts as our name going forward.

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