Don't even bother

The Grudge 3, or, This Is Probably Going to Suck

How does one start a horror movie? By horrifically destroying a young child?

Absolutely.

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUC surprise, straight to dvd

That being said, we’ve already covered the highest points in the movie, so that tingling sensation in your fingers to change the channel? Follow it.

Shawnee Smith plays the little kids doctor – it was hard to place her at first, til I realized she was the one who nearly got domed in SAW and later became the protege. Good stuff, that. Such a pity to see her in a piece like this.

SUMMARY COMMENCING

The Grudge 3 – HIDE YO KIDS, HIDE YO WIFE, THEY KILLIN E’ERYBODY IN HERE. No…but seriously, hide yo’ kids, cuz apparently this ghost gets all ‘snappy’.

The movie revolves around the apartment building where shit went down in Grudge 2. Beyond that? Its the grudge. Most die, the rest are traumatized, kitty kid shows up, and creepy rape water lady likes to fuck with folks in bathrooms.

SUMMARY CONCLUDED

I’m not even planning on giving you a proper review, because fuck. So enjoy this shit.

Some choice quotes from the crew (Vifen joined us tonight):

—-

Vifen: Do you say from Tokyo? Or just I’m from Japan?

Bacchus: Now that i’ve started this shit fuck fest, do I really have to finish it? I mean I once saw a dude get run over by a semi. I’m not sure how that applies.

Bacchus: THIS IS BAD! (throwing up hands and slamming desk)

Romulus: What?!

Bacchus: The fucking abortion happening to my eyeholes! WHAT ELSE?

Romulus: I don’t know, just figured something significant had happened. I got excited.

—-

Vifen: This movie makes me want to poop

(5 minutes later)

Vifen: (returning from a piss) I assume I missed absolutely nothing?

Bacchus: Absolutely nothi-

Romulus:WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU MISSED THE WHOLE PLOT OF THE STORY

plot of the story…plot of the story…plotofthestory

—–

Bacchus: Why are we talking about Superman?

Vifen: Because I made a shitty Superman reference 😦

Bacchus: That would explain the whole ‘exploded uterus’ story

Vifen: You know what they just did?

Bacchus: Shit on a pile of –

Vifen: Midichlorians.

Bacchus: They just midichlorians’d the shit out of this. FUCK.

—-

SURPRISE BUTTSECKS

SURPRISE BUTTSECKS

Lighting means EVERYTHING to movies like this. Case in point?

BRIGHT LIGHTING PLUS PALE MAKEUP EQUALS FUCK ME

BRIGHT LIGHTING PLUS PALE MAKEUP EQUALS FUCK ME

The extremely shitty thing about this that the first Grudge (as well as Ju-On) was fucking BRILLIANT. Scary, tense, it got me at every turn – and fuck you haters, I’ve seen a lot of shit, but the sound design/cinematography/acting/fucking EVERYTHING made that movie perfect. Its hard to unhinge me when watching ANYthing, but the original Grudge always succeeds.

But this?

You must be aware of how fuck off silly this is...right?

You must be aware of how fuck off silly this is…right?

Fuck. This. Fuck everything about it, everyone with it…straight to DVD isn’t fair. SOMEONE GREENLIT THIS FLAMING PILE OF COW SHIT FUCK.

SO.

If you insist, IMDB it. Otherwise, leave well enough alone.

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