Don't even bother

Birdemic, a fan favorite, or ‘FUCK ALL OF YOU SERIOUSLY’

There…there isn’t a reason…why…

….ow liver….why you hatin…we….we used to be friends…

Who knew this could be a thing moar booze plzI’ve never wanted to die from drinking so severely.

To begin, there are a few requirements.

Drink: D) All of the above

Drink: D) All of the above

I’d like to say i’m joking, but any fuckwad worth his salt is already aware of the fact that I goddamn cuntsuckingly am NOT joking. Seriously folks, find the sauce. You goan needs it ya hear?

Plot summary: Birds. Also, fuck you.

Were I a member of the ‘make-a-wish foundation’ (and i just may be following the visual cancer I think i’ve contracted) my dying wish would be to have the sound designer of this ‘movie’ found and beaten to death with socks full of rotten oranges.

I DONT CARE HOW LONG IT TAKES YOU MAKE IT WORK I’M FUCKING DYING.

It offends me that the main chick is that hot, and the main dude is that rapey.

…how the actual fuck am I supposed to make it through this. GAH FUCK. HOLY FUCKED TITS. I have…I have AIDS now.

One time a bear trap closed on my thigh and it took the doctors two weeks to remove it. During that time, even shifting in my seat hurt. Quickly it became infected and soon I had pustulent sores on every part of my exposed legs. Simply shifting meant popping one of these horrible bastards, and the pus…well it smelled like rotten ass goblins.

In spite of that, I persevered.

If you bought a bat you'd probably be fine

And when I made it through, I was finally able to resume life as a ‘normal’ individual, free from the knowledge that no pain could equal what I had gone through. I’d emerged victorious, a champion of my pain. And yet, in spite of all that…

Give me all the pustulent sores, burns, and cuts you possibly can, but BURN THE MASTERS OF THIS WICKED ABORTION OF A MOVIE.

I’d like to digress and analyze some part of this fecid material but I can’t summon the will to even look in the mirror any more. The fact that I have to finish watching this means I must’ve raped puppy’s in a previous life.

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

THESE. ARE. ACTORS.

Ok, they made a sequel. Time to eat my own dick with tartar sauce,

but wait.

You know what?

Fuck.

Fuck off with your niblets of wisdom

Fuck off with your niblets of wisdom

Me: “Romulus! You ok bro?”

Romulus: “I don’t…can’t…” (passes out on the floor)

Yeah. And that would be when the green screen started. Now I’m initiating suicide pact protocol B.

In the process of pissing I managed to puke/cough/laugh and still wish I were dead.

You know what.

These random cuts?

Fuck you.

Movie adjourned.

FUCK OFF AND NEVER COME BACK. YOU WANT A REAL REVIEW EAT A PILE OF COW SHIT.

‘Oh man, I’m an actor. The mustang is environmentally safe’.

SENSUAL WORK.

FUCK YOU SOUNDGUY. FUCK

I think what horrifies me more is the fact that someone paid money for this.

BTW most business professionals have douchefuck poneytails.

The movie I'd rather watch

The movie I’d rather watch

I’ll give you this – the movie managed to succeed in blowing out all perspectives relating to terrible movies.

Had I an option, the camera op, lead actor, and sound guy would be the stars of the next Saw movie.

The girl is, fucking sadly, the star of the operation.

Buy a bat..you'll be fine

Buy a bat..you’ll be fine

If anyone, ever, has said that I cannot dance, I will kindly ask you to consume a massive fucking cock since – comparatively – i’m whorefucking elvis presley

Romulus: “Ima turn on Silent Hill again, jack off to the goddamn nurses. What the fuck are these sons of bitches on about?

Bacchus: “Yeah but leaving might take a specific type of sling”

All of a sudden BIRDS ARE EXPLOSIVE

I met a 4 year old retarded monkey capable of better SFX.

I met a 4 year old retarded monkey capable of better SFX.

I’d be a bit happier since the female lead is so goddamn attractive. Why the fuck she ever signed with such talentless shit stains will continually elude me. I do think the burning question on everyones mind should somehow relate to FUCKING COMBUSTIBLE BIRDS.

“HOLD ON IM ACTING”

Someone, anyone kill this talentless fuck.

I know for some reason I’m either being punked or this is the most priceless piece of genius ever crafted.

CHECK OUT HIS GUN I SHOOT ALL SERIOUS

CHECK OUT HIS GUN I SHOOT ALL SERIOUS

woops they dead. EXCEPT FOR A CHILD

fuck me in the throat and end it now

fuck me in the throat and end it now

Hold on guys, storyline!

Wait.

That’s  the 1. The malibu freeway. And the rest of the drivers clearly don’t care about your BULLSHIT STORY SHIT

WE WILL STOP FOR FOOD AFTER OUR AWKWARDLY LONG SHOT

fuck.

Repeat same sound byte 500 times, should mimic the reality of getting attacked by…what…3 birds?

SERIOUSLY IS THIS ALL YOU CAN COME UP WITH YOU LAZY FUCK.

I’d sooner deep throat a cactus.

OH HEY PICNIC TIME.

fuck off.

this one I like to call ‘simple vindiction’.

Look up all the photoshopped pics you like, even the purveyors of the best worst horror can’t condone watching this.

Guess what birds

Fucking Rakk.

Run.

Faster.

IMDB

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