Don't even bother

In Memorium, or Paranormal Activities abusive step dad

Alright, I gotta say it. Fucking WHY?

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We love the premise. Dug the paranormal activities (except that last survived abortion). There’s something awesome about the way tension builds when you’re staring at the frame, looking for any kind of movement – but when the worst damn film student decides to ‘take it to the next level’ we reach for the strongest bottle of Bourbon we can lay hands too.

And for us, thats saying quite a lot.

It starts all well and good, with an interesting concept- a dude gets diagnosed with cancer and decides to film his last days.

Turns out? Waste of 2 fucking hours. AND WE WATCHED WRONG TURN 5 PEOPLE.

I digress.

I discovered through some seriously awesome internet research (AKA I IMDB’d this indian food filled diaper at 3 AM) that this movie was made a few years prior to Paranormal Activity…so they get some bonus points for creativity. Homie wires the house with motion activated security cameras and mics. The cool mechanic here is that the mic’s record constantly, giving the director an awesome tool – using sound with no video, then splicing in video whenever theres movement – awesome jump factor, should be great for building tension.

Then again Timmy told me it was normal to touch wieners in the fifth grade and look how I fucking turned out.

At the start we learn some critical info – mom’s dead, also cancer, and the main guys got a seriously hot girlfriend who’s ass WE NEVER SEE WTF. Then some other shit happens I don’t know hold on we’re doing a shot-

Midway through my 3rd glass of whiskey the brother shows up.

Who’s this kid?

Let me summarize our thoughts: After his first line, the words out of my mouth were ‘who the fuck did he bang to get on set’, to which Romulus promptly replied ‘nah dude,  we’re looking at the producers step son’. Yeah, so, whatever you infer from that’s probably accurate.

Watching this boy child act reminded me of my sixth grade production of peter pan, in that I NEVER ACTED AGAIN. And also suffered an intense rash of awkward boners thanks to Stacy Peterson that foxy bitch i’m not sure that relates

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Don’t worry, we cried too.

There’s a few decent moments of ‘holy shit did you see that’ but round the halfway mark the ‘truth’ of the story is revealed and its about as surprising as waking up on monday unenthusiastic about the coming work day.

Was that funny? Sounds better in my head.

SO THEN! To the shitty ass movie I’m spending waaaay too much time reviewing – don’t bother.

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In memoriam, In Memorium. Learn how to spell and fuck right off.

I’d say right round 12 glasses to be right sure you don’t remember the process. But tell us what you think or…fucking whatever.

IMDB that shizz

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